There are certain characteristics Muslims have learned very thoroughly from studying the noble

Quran and the sunnah of our beloved prophet (pbuh), so much so that they are identified by these

characteristics and known for them, and that their lives and relationships have become examples

to be followed with respect to these good qualities. As a result, the disagreements and arguments

that are so common in other environments have disappeared from their milieus and surroundings,

and they are free to spend their time and effort on working for the cause of Allah swt.

It is these common qualities and characteristics that unite Muslim workers. As such, it is

important for the Muslim worker (brother or sister), when he faces a disagreement with his

fellow brother, to remember that their meetings and work are for a greater goal - the

establishment of Islamic way of life - that should not be abandoned. He should also remember

that he is bound by limits which he should not transgress, the bond between hearts and the unity

of words. If, even after reminding himself of these limits, the brother still sees a need to raise an

issue, then it is important to discuss the issue respectfully and objectively, and with proper

respect to his brother, remembering the position they each hold in the other’s heart. And it our

duty to always remember the warnings in the Quran regarding disagreements: “and fall into no

disputes, lest ye lose heart and your power depart; and be patient and persevering: For Allah is

with those who patiently persevere” (ch 8: v. 46). As well as the hadeeth which says, “and do not

enter into disputes. Those before you entered into disputes and so they perished”

It is important to always keep in mind that everyone who has said “there is no God but Allah swt

and Mohamed is his messenger”, and worked in that vain, is your brother in the Oneness of

Allah swt, and that you are joined in the bonds of Islam. And the blood, wealth and honour of

your brother in Islam is sacred. And never let your desire for victory in a disagreement to lead

you to say that your brother has committed apostasy and left Islam, no matter what subject or

issue you disagree on.

Third: Giving the benefit of the doubt to the one who you disagree with

Remember the etiquette of Imam Al-shafi’ee, who said, “I never argued with another person

without hoping that Allah swt would let the truth be on his tongue and not my own.” When you

give someone with whom you’re disputing the benefit of the doubt, you will find that you get

closer to him, and that he gets closer to you, and that you are more able to understand his opinion

and perspective. When you allow yourself to see the other’s perspective, you can follow him if

he’s right, and go in the other direction otherwise, while still granting him every excuse and

pardon. These are the characteristics of the Muslim, who is truthful and supports truth by rising

above his desire to be right, and be the victor over others. So strive to be that kind of truthful and

honest individual.

Nothing was more hated by the Prophet (pbuh) than argumentation and extensive pride. The

Prophet (pbuh) said, “nothing has led astray a people after they were on the path of guidance

except that they took up argumentation.” He also said, “I am the head of a house in the lower

level of paradise for those who forsook argumentation when they were wrong, and of another

house in its lower and in its higher levels for those who forsook argumentation while they were

right”. The prophet developed the companions to admonish these things and avoid them, as the

scent of argumentation congests the self and erases brotherhood/sisterhood between believers.

It is often possible that there are two parties in disagreement and that both are correct. We can

draw this conclusion from the guidance provided by the Prophet (pbuh) on the day that the

companions came to him in disagreement about how to apply his saying, “whoever believes in

Allah and the day of judgment let him not pray Asr prayer except in Bani Quraidha”(seerat ibn

hisham). Some of the companions took this phrasing literally and decided to continue walking

until they arrived at Bani Quraidha, and didn’t pray Asr prayer until after the sun had set. Others

took the spirit of the command and were satisfied that they would fulfill it by hurrying in their

departure, but prayed asr during asr time. The Prophet (pbuh) praised both opinions and both

parties.

This particular approach is important for those who work in dawa, as they interact with many

people in the community and must be patient with them. And there are times when the person

with whom you are disagreeing is obviously following his whims, such that it would be

technically correct to label them “astray”. However, the etiquette of a Muslim with this type of

individual requires that you feel empathy for him and have mercy towards him, as opposed to

revelling in his misfortune and publicizing his state. This gives him a chance to return to proper

conduct. Omar (ra) often repeated, “do not aid the shaytan against your brother, rather aid your

brother against his shaytan.”

These are some of the characteristics and qualities that leave a beautiful effect on the Muslim

community, manifesting as brotherhood/sisterhood and the avoidance of being overly attached to

ones’ own ideas. Anyone who has made the Quran his companion and contemplated the time of

the prophets’ companions is assured that the unity of Muslims is a principle that should not even

be minimally sacrificed in pursuit of another goal. And now, we point in the following section to

a noble etiquette: the etiquette of disagreement.

We have heard the beautiful story of Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein, may Allah swt be pleased with

them, when in their youth, they saw an older man who was not doing his ablution properly.

Because of their humility and respect, they were unable to critique him, and so they instead

pretended that they were disagreeing over which of them did his ablution better, and asked him

to be their judge. As they did their ablution in front of him, it did not take long for the older man

to realize that both of them performed their ablution correctly and it was he who did not. Then,

he redid his ablution correctly.

Every Muslim should take this same approach to disagreement. And you, my dear brother, if you

find an opportunity to illustrate a person’s fault in a similar way, that would be beautiful indeed.

However, if you find that you are not able to, for whatever reason, then talk to the person using

beautiful language. Gentle advice is more likely to guide to truth and improvement. It has been

said that “differences of opinion do not in themselves, lower societies or cause them to decline,

but rather the opposite: the more there is a diversity of opinions, the more the society gains

strength, on the condition that the environment is correct, and that the differences of opinion do

not force chaos on the society or result it to stray from its path. We must benefit from this

diversity as the early Muslims did, having left to us a strong civilization and abundant

knowledge.

Disagreement and difference of opinion exists everywhere. We must, however, learn from the

etiquettes of disagreement that the companions and their followers used. We contemplate the

beauty of the Prophet (pbuh)’s character and etiquettes when we look at the way he behaved with

those who opposed him. There is the story of ‘Utbah, sent by Quraish as a negotiator, offering

the Prophet (pbuh) money, power, and treatment if he has become sick or possessed by gins. The

Prophet (pbuh) listened closely to all ‘Utbah had to say without interrupting, despite the fact that

he knew ‘Utbah’s words were foul and wrong. He listened because that was the etiquette of

disagreement he chose to apply, to listen to the other side completely without interrupting. When

he was done, the Prophet asked ‘Utbah, “Oh Abi Waleed, have you finished speaking?”

‘Utbah responded, “Yes.” The Prophet said, “Then listen to what I have to say,” and proceeded

to recite to him verses from the Quran until ‘Utbah returned to his people with a different face

than he had left with.

It is necessary for us in this time, and in every time and place, to rise up to the etiquette of the

messengers, the etiquette that established the principles of this religion, if we want to reach the

truth. We must leave behind the worship of our self, and leave behing the hatred that destroys

everything. These illnesses are of the gravest kind in their effect on the community and the

individual. When we look at the etiquette of disagreement demonstrated by the early Muslims

who preceded us, we find that there is no better behaviour. We should take them as examples and

adopt the same behaviour as our own.

For example, Imam Al-Shafi’ee spoke of Imam Malik and said, “Malik Ibn Anas is my teacher,

and from him I took knowledge, and if the scholars are mentioned then Malik is the star”.

And Imam Malik spoke of Imam Abu Haneefa and said, “If he came to the pillars of your house

and tried to argue with you that it was wood, then you would believe it was wood.” Imam

Ahmed, speaking to his son, said of Imam Al-Shafi’ee, “Al-Shafi’e, may Allah swt have mercy

on him, is like the son to the earth, and like strength to people. So see, is there any substitute for

the sun or for strength?” And finally, Imam Abu Haneefa said of Imam Malik, “I have never

seen someone quicker with an honest answer or complete critique.”

And then we come to our time and era, where people get so angry when they disagree that their

faces turn red, they puff out their chests, and they raise their voices. And the taking sides and

accusations increases, and a mood of conflict and fighting takes over, so that people become

concerned only of being right instead of standing up for the truth. Is this the etiquette of

disagreement that was followed by the early Muslims? Is this the way to reach the unity we

desire?

We ask Allah swt to join the disparate hearts and to disperse the clouds of hatred and anger, to

help the hearts draw closer in worship to Allah swt and obedience to his Prophet (pbuh).